Service Spotlight
Online and In-Person: Marriage Counseling
You’re tired of feeling so alone in your marriage. You’ve somehow drifted apart over the years, and the space between you is now filled with hurt and resentment. You want to stay married, but you also don’t want to live this way anymore.
Brian Whitley, M.A.
Marriage & Family Therapist
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I’m sure you’re asking, “With all that has happened between us, is it possible for us to be happy again?” The answer is, “Yes!”
I understand your skepticism…
The problems in your marriage seem unsolvable. Maybe you and your spouse have turned into roommates, and sex has become infrequent, as work and kids have taken time, attention, and energy away from your marriage. Maybe you and your spouse fight over-and-over about finances, sex, parenting, and each other’s family. Or maybe an affair has been discovered and you both are reeling from the aftermath.
I help clients create fulfilling marriages. I don’t do this by passively nodding my head and being a “good listener”. Instead, I do some detective work to uncover and point out issues I see that have caused the marriage to get off-track. Then, we talk about concrete strategies to deal with the problems, such as specific communication skills or strategies for managing personality differences. When an affair has occurred, I give practical tools and strategies to each spouse so they can work through the affair in a way that actually strengthens the marriage.
I provide in-person marriage counseling for adults who live in Newport Beach and nearby cities such as Irvine, Huntington Beach, and Costa Mesa.
I provide online marriage counseling for clients who live in other parts of Orange County, Riverside County, Los Angeles County, and throughout California and Florida using Google Meet, a HIPAA compliant, secure platform.
Marriage Counseling
It can be especially difficult for husbands to begin marriage counseling.
Often, they fear the therapist and his wife will gang up on him in the sessions. Other times, husbands fear having discussions about thoughts and emotions because they wrongly believe they’re incompetent to discuss their thoughts and emotions. As a male marriage counselor, and as a former police officer, my background can sometimes reassure husbands that I will not badger them or gang up on them!
I consider myself a “marriage friendly therapist”, which means I am not neutral about your marriage. I believe most of the issues that result in divorce are solvable, and I’ll fight for your marriage until either one of you tells me to stop, at which time I will respect your decision. Marriage counseling requires that both spouses choose to work on the marriage. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, I offer a specialized form of counseling for this situation. Click here to learn more about Discernment Counseling.
I love this quote by author Elizabeth Gilbert: "...when I mention ‘tolerance’, I'm not talking about learning how to stomach pure awfulness. What I am talking about is learning how to accommodate your life as generously as possible around a basically decent human being who can sometimes be an unmitigated pain in the ass.”
I look forward to helping you become less of a pain in the ass and become more tolerant of the ways your spouse can be a pain in the ass as well!
Types
Types of Problems
Marriage Counseling can Help
Poor communication including blaming and cross-complaining
Arguments that go nowhere
Conflict about sex & affection, parenting, finances, and time spent with extended family.
Infidelity
Resentment
Boundaries
Benefits
Benefits of Marriage Counseling
Feeling happier and more fulfilled
Good communication in which both spouses express their thoughts and emotions and are curious about their spouse’s perspective
Feeling connected to your spouse even when you disagree with each other
Negotiated agreements about high conflict issues (e.g. sex, parenting, finances) that both spouses can live with
Rebuilt trust after infidelity
Effective parenting
Reduced resentment and an understanding of how you have contributed to the marriage problems.
Healthy boundaries
Marriage Counseling
Session Format for Marriage Counseling
First Session
I learn about your background and the problems you want to work on, and we start creating your goals.Second Session
We create a plan to achieve your goals and take some first steps. I routinely assign homework to be done between sessions to reinforce what we worked on in the previous session.Following Sessions
We discuss the efforts you made since the last session to work on your goals.Nearing Graduation
We discuss ways to avoid slips back into unhelpful patterns and what to do if a slip occurs.Graduation
You and I review and celebrate the work that was done and the progress that was made!
How long are marriage counseling sessions, and what is the typical length of treatment?
The first few marriage counseling sessions are 90 minutes long, which are later reduced to 55-minute sessions. The number of sessions depends on what type of problem you are struggling with in your marriage, and what your goals are. As clients make progress toward their goals, I reduce the frequency of sessions. I work short-term with some clients and long-term with others. I want my clients to learn new skills, achieve their goals, and then “fire me” when I’m no longer needed.
What is the rate for marriage counseling? How do I pay for the sessions?
My session fee is $175 for 55-minute sessions, and $262 for 90-minute sessions. The first appointment for individuals is 90 minutes. Subsequent sessions are typically 55-minutes.
Check, cash, electronic check, Zelle, and credit card (Visa, MasterCard, Discover) are all accepted for payment. There is a 3% convenience fee for using a credit or debit card. There is no fee for using check, cash, electronic check, or Zelle.
Do you offer in-person and online marriage counseling sessions?
Yes, I offer both online & in-person, marriage counseling sessions. In-person counseling sessions at my Newport Beach office located at:
1001 Dove Street, Suite 180,
Newport Beach, CA 92660
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(near the Orange County/John Wayne Airport. )
Phone: (949) 933-5872
I also provide secure, HIPAA compliant, online therapy sessions with clients anywhere in California and Florida using Google Meet.
What about insurance?
Although Brian Whitley does not bill insurance companies directly, services may be reimbursed in full or in part by your PPO health insurance or employee benefit plan. Please check your coverage carefully by asking the following questions:
Do I have mental health benefits?
What is my deductible, and has it been met?
How many sessions per calendar year does my plan cover?
How much does my plan cover for an out-of-network provider?
What is the coverage amount per therapy session?
Is approval required from my primary care physician?
All Services and Therapies.
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Individual Counseling
I’m an active and directive therapist and focused on helping you achieve your goals.
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Marriage Counseling
Consistent effort and intention is required to have a good marriage. We are all either working on our marriage or our divorce. I give spouses practical tools to improve their marriage.
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Discernment Counseling
Your marriage is in trouble and either you or your spouse is considering divorce. You may be the one who wants to save the marriage, or you may be the spouse who is considering divorce but also unsure if this is what you really want.
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Counseling for Police Officers & Other Law Enforcement
As a former police officer for 11 years, I understand how your career as a first responder can negatively impact your personal life.
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Addictions to Substances and Behaviors
I believe that we are not powerless over addictions. By learning and practicing new skills, we can break the chains of addiction. I support clients that use 12-Step resources and alternative programs such as SMART Recovery.
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Family & Friends of Those Struggling with Addictions
Addiction impacts the entire family. I can teach you how to use the power of your relationship to facilitate positive change and how not to make things worse.
